The Sandwich Generation

Have you ever heard of the “sandwich generation”? It’s a newer title for what one source estimates to be at least 11 million people, and there’s a chance you’re part of it! If you are someone that would be considered “sandwiched” there are some specific things you could do to get more organized during this phase of your life; read on to see just what those things are!

The “Sandwich Generation” is a generation of adults who are having children later in life, thus caring for aging parents AND their own children at the same time. As I said, this title appropriately suits millions of adults in our country today. It’s estimated that around a quarter of Americans currently have at least one living parent over the age of 65 and a child under the age of 18. The people in this generation are “sandwiched” between many responsibilities and likely have more challenges than someone without loved ones in these age ranges.

One of the greatest challenges those in the Sandwich Generation face is the increased financial burden. Many (40+) adults are contributing over $1500/month over a 5-year timespan to support their parents. This is estimated to cost them more than $1 million in their savings for retirement.

Other challenges that “sandwiched” adults face is the fact that demographics, cost, and work make it a longer and tougher responsibility. Caregiving isn’t for the weak of heart and can be a tiring (and often thankless) role. Add your own children and career responsibilities to that and your quality of life can be severely affected. If you find yourself currently raising your children and know your parent(s) are at an age where assistance (financial, medical, caregiving, etc.) may become a necessity at any time, there are things you can do to prepare yourself and tackle the challenges with more ease.

If you find yourself in this position, lists should become your new best friend! Make a list of ALL your responsibilities. Include everything: work, family, and caregiving duties. (Don’t leave out small tasks!) Next, identify what is most important and which duties are urgent. Then, reorder the list from “most” to “least” important.

Create a calendar that can be shared with others involved in the parent/caregiver role with you. It can be a digital or printed calendar (or both!) Use whatever is right for you. List all appointments, commitments, and activities here. If you don’t already have one, you may want to add a family command center to a prominent/central place in your home. I have tips for how to set up an effective command center here, but color-coding appointments/commitments on the calendar in one color for the children and another for your caregiving duties is something simple and small that will play a large role in staying organized.

It’s important that your needs aren’t abandoned while you’re working to meet all your loved one’s needs during this time. Set boundaries that work for YOU. Create clear boundaries for both your work hours and personal time. Then…stick to them! Share responsibilities with other family members when you are able, and delegate tasks so no single person is taking on the burden entirely alone. This can be caregiving duties, chores, etc. There is no better time in life to use “your village” than now!

You have a lot of people relying on you if you’re in the Sandwich Generation, and that means you also need to rely on the other people in your life to be that support system for you. Don’t be afraid to reach out, explain your position, and ask that village to rally behind you! Talk to your employer to discuss flexible working arrangements that will help accommodate your childcare and caregiving needs.

Discuss scheduling expectations; if you must work around a spouse or other caregiving adults’ schedules you will need to coordinate and have a routine schedule. Involve as much of your family as you can! Make sure everyone is aware of their responsibilities. (Again, shared calendars, command centers, lists, and group chats are your best friends!) Discuss any concerns, limitations, or challenges to help each other and come up with solutions before problems arise. Make sure that you have at least one other adult, someone you can trust, to help with your duties in case you are unable to. For example, if you fall sick, are unable to get time off from work, have a special event for the children pop up, etc. you may need a family member to “cover you”. It is always good to have a backup plan (or two!)

Apps are a great way to manage tasks and calendars, as well as set reminders for caregiving such as times to administer medication or any other special need requirements throughout the day. Use technology to your benefit by scheduling appointments virtually via Telehealth whenever you’re able. This will save you time and travel, ensuring you are there for every appointment.

Areas around the home should be functional and maintainable for the whole family. When needed, make adjustments to the communal rooms in your home to accommodate each family member. Use clear bins/containers, include labels with large font for aging adults, change around the furniture placement, and/or place items on lower shelves for those who are wheelchair-bound or have other physical limitations, etc. If those you care for can take their medications on their own, pre-prepare their medication and have it organized for them.

To best manage your time (in a phase of life where it seems there is never enough!) be adaptable and prepared to adjust plans/scheduling as needed. Time block (Learn how HERE!) to improve your daily schedule. Check to see what is working/not working at the end of each week so you can adjust if needed and hopefully improve your practices. Plan out meals for the week ahead of time so you know exactly what you’ll need at the store and save time.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself amid caring for everyone else you love! Give yourself time for “you”, if even a daily small break to clear your mind. Practice a hobby or exercise to recharge your batteries. In your weekly meal plans, prioritize healthy eating and stay hydrated throughout your day. Practice mindfulness; consider taking a yoga class or find short meditation videos online to help reduce stress when things feel overwhelming. Don’t allow yourself to feel selfish for practicing self-care; you won’t be able to help your loved ones if you become overwhelmed and burn out. It is important you continue to take care of yourself as well!

If your parent(s) need to move to a smaller home, I have lots of tips to help you help them through it here, here, and here. You first need to evaluate the space they will be moving into to determine how much of their home needs to be downsized and how much they will be able to move with them. Work with other family members to declutter, donate, pass on, or pitch anything that won’t fit in their new space. Then, shop for items such as smaller furniture that they might need to make the new space work best for them. Go through files and old paperwork to see what can be disposed of or given away with the sale of the home (such as any appliance receipts, information about recent repairs, etc.) Consider digitizing what you can. Same with old memorabilia/photographs! There are many digitizing options to consider and I discuss the best ways to organize and preserve family memories here.

Depending on the timing/urgency of the move, you may not be able to take enough time off from work to carry the burden on your own. If you are able, enlist the help of professional organizers! They can help in more ways than you realize and will make sure everything is packed and labeled properly, whether going into storage or into a new home/your home.